Have you ever wondered if it’s just you or does it seem that double standards are everywhere? Whether it’s politics, religion, relationships or whatever element that have naturally contradictory stances, it seems that one can find at least a double standard somewhere. Personally, double standards make me question a few things about people. It makes me question what they would do in order to get ahead in life. If they are willing to bar others from doing something they want to or will do, then what else will they do? However for today’s post, I will be talking about double standards in relationships.
Daily, I read something about people in relationships that I would consider a double standard. A person withholding intimacy because their significant other forgot to pay their light bill. An individual deciding to use all of the tax return on something they desire because their chosen love did not tell them of a decision they’ve made. You name it, I have most likely seen an applicable derivative of it. However the one that gets me is when a couple (I will use a man and woman in this situation but note that it can be applicable to any couple) fight over stupid things that leads to a suggestion in the form of a double standard offered as an actual solution. An example of this is the following real life scenario: the husband sleeps with another woman simply because his wife did not sleep with him, despite her telling him she has a temporary medical condition that prevented her from having intercourse until it cleared up, which would have been approximately two weeks. While most men would be okay with the decision to wait, this man did not only keep his vow to his wife, but he also forbade her to have intercourse with another man after she found out about him stepping out on the marriage. According to him, a man has needs and she was not fulfilling them. He only told her so she’d know this was his solution to meet his needs while she was “incapacitated”.
Thankfully, the woman left the relationship (there were other issues but this was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back) and found herself a new love that cherished her both in sickness and in health. Unfortunately, the man is (as far as I know at this moment) still single and sadly, unhappy.
When someone is the author of double standards, they are constantly in competition with another to have their beliefs and opinions dominate at any cost. That doesn’t produce happiness – it produces exhaustion. It produces anger. It produces an experience of loneliness because the level the person who has created the double standard has set themselves apart needlessly just so someone can do whatever they want the other person to do. Is power all that necessary? Because in the end, it all boils down to power.
Relationships are the most powerful when those in the relationship feels their absolute best. The feelings of love, safety and support should be the most powerful things in a relationship – not the feeling of one person always making the rules that they themselves refuse to follow. When double standards happen, no one is happy. No one is at their best. One will always feel as if their life is unfair and that they have been beaten down by life. The other will feel as if they are on top of the world at first and then as time moves on, there is always something to try to one up as far as the other person and that causes exhaustion and unnecessary anger. This is no way to live life. Power should never be worth losing love, self-esteem or self-respect.
Until next time…
It’s just not worth it.