Available1

I’m that nice girl. I really am. As much as I hate to admit it, I am that sweet, southern girl – even in situations that should call for me to be mean or to walk away. For some reason, I’ve never actively tried to do either. Can I be mean? Oh absolutely! At the very heart of me, I am a Leo and once a Leo roars people know they mean serious business. So I definitely can be mean. Can I just walk away? Yes, I sure can just walk away. But it’s not in my nature to do that. I’ve experienced someone walking away from me too many times for me to do it to someone else. Yet, I’m still facing the thought of when is enough…enough?

Available2

So I’m walking away – for one week. Not from my blog! Heavens no! You just found me and for that I’m truly grateful. But from my job and its responsibilities. I’m going on holiday and I’m so excited! People are asking me what are you going to do while on holiday and I just want to tell them “anywhere this job is not going to be”, but I can’t. Because I’m the nice girl. I’m the one who actually have to tell them the plans I’ve made just so they can be satisfied. Yet this time, it’s different. I told my boss yesterday that I had some good news for her and she said, “you’re not leaving for Georgia? That’s the best news you could give me right about now. How long is your leave? One week right? It better be because I don’t know how we’re going to survive without you for another week. It was hard the first time you took two weeks off.”  She’s going to miss me. Not for the week but when I leave for good in November, she’s going to miss me. That’s what this trip is all about: getting them used to me being gone. Weening them off of my generosity, off of my kindness, off of me being available to them. Because, in the end, it’s about me keeping my sanity so I won’t go off on humanity.

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Until next time, if you feel as if you’re too available to situations that are draining you, take a step back and evaluate it. It just might mean the weight of being the crutch for others is too taxing on you and you need to show up and be available to yourself. There’s no shame in needing yourself. In fact, it’s necessary. Because you won’t be needed by others when you’re gone forever as they can find someone else to fill that need. They will wish you were there. They will want you there. But they will find a way to meet their needs somehow without you and it’s better to learn that while you’re still here and available to meet your own needs.

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