My husband and I passionately debate from time to time. In high school we both were apart of the debate team so we know the rules of debate and do our best not to cross them with emotion. Sometimes, depending on the topic, things can get pretty heated because we know it’s a topic on which we would rarely agree. In those moments, because I know how upset I can be about something, I have made sure to observe my ten minute rule. This means that I give myself ten minutes to be upset with and to calm down from the thing that unsettled me. In that time, I try to figure out what upset me most. Was it the topic discussed? Was it the way it was presented? Was it a feeling that my knowledge or the experiences I’ve had were being discredited? Was it that I didn’t like that my husband has a valid, indisputable point and I cannot come up with one to salvage my argument? What exactly is it that frustrated me to the point of raising my voice and feel as discomposed as I was?
After those ten minutes are up, I’m over it. I make every effort to ensure I’m over it. Changing the subject, listening to music, getting out of the room to myself to breathe and watching a movie are some of the ways that I make sure I’m over whatever upset me. To me, it is useless in continuing to be upset over the topic discussed, especially when it does not directly affect my life. There is nothing more precious to me than to maintain the loving, respectful marriage that I have with my husband and this ten minute cool down rule I have allows me to do that.
That’s right! It’s reader participation Friday! Do you do anything to calm down when upset? If so, what do you do to calm down after a debate or a heated argument? What are some ways you encourage yourself to relax after such events occur? Let me know in the comments section. I’m always looking to expand my self-recovery tools when it comes to arguments.
Until next time…