One of the shows my husband and I watch is called Kitchen Nightmares and it never fails to show people in charge of their restaurants who are proud of their food. However, when things go awry, that’s when the blame is passed around like a collection plate in church. I can’t help but to think of how true that is in our every day personal lives. Do you know of someone who is like that: someone who boasts about what they do but as soon as something is not right, that’s when they want to pass the buck? How do you handle it?

On the show, there is usually yelling accompanied by tears. In our reality, there may not be tears or yelling but there is definitely frustration. People, in their heart of hearts, know that they are replaceable, expendable and ultimately forgettable. One way this happens is when blame is placed upon them while neglecting to tell them how they are an awesome part of the team. Sometimes the frustration comes when there is a lack of communication over how someone could change things for the better but the message of failure comes in abundance.

What should one do when this happens? I, for one, refuse to tell anyone to not take it personally. It is personal. It is somebody’s personal effort given in a business or home environment.  So, yes, it’s absolutely personal which is why it brings about a feeling of being personally attacked. It is why people feel as if their best is not good enough although they feel as if they have spent their all giving their full effort.  But this is not the time to pity yourself. Own your mistake (if they are truly yours) and understand that this is the time where questions should be asked. Not only asking what was wrong but ask how to fix it. Ask with whom should there be contact if such an issue arise again. Take notes and learn from them. Basically put, equip yourself with the knowledge you need to succeed.

Also, you should state your frustrations about how this situation was handled. No one will know how to treat you if you hold your frustrations inside.  Be sure to state them [your frustrations] clearly and in a concise manner without raising your voice or showing disrespect. Be sure to discuss times and situations where you felt less valuable and let them know that despite it being unintentional on their part, it would be more appreciated if they worked with you in a manner that would not belittle you. Remember, it’s about partnership, not domination or intimidation.

Until next time, please know that you are good enough. Unfortunately, the reality is that your best may not be good enough for everyone.  But if both sides work together while respecting each other, one thing will stand out: if you take responsibility for your own actions, blame on you will be lessened. Not only that, but you may feel more of a connection with your teammates which brings unity to the entire environment as well as a boost in self-value. You’re worth it! Your mistakes don’t define you and neither does their blame. We’re human. We live, we love and we learn.