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When I was a kid, I was motivated by competition. I loved dodge ball and was honestly one of the most successful people on the team but was often beat by just one other person. Yes, I beat her too but she won more often than I did. I was motivated to figure out how to get her out earlier in the game so that my team would have an easier chance of winning. Sometimes it would work, other times, not so much.

Later in life, I lost my competitive spirit. I had experienced negative results and was told no more than I had anything positive and that got me down. I was diagnosed with GAD (general anxiety disorder) and mild depression and was told that if I lost weight, it would help. Even that didn’t motivate me.  We have to move in about two weeks and I’m less motivated to pack up than I was earlier in the year despite it’s now actually time to change duty stations.  Although we have our daughter, I still lack motivation to do things that could better my situation but I don’t have the drive. Yet, I know that me being her same-sex example, it’s my job to help her learn how to motivate herself.

It’s with that spirit, the spirit of wanting her to motivate herself to success, that I am writing this post. I don’t want her to lose motivation to the point where it feels impossible to get it back. I don’t want her to count on others to motivate herself either. I want her to get the motivation from within and to learn how to keep it from waning. However, I’m also writing it to motivate myself as well. So one of the first things I did was research self-motivation. This video helped a great deal in learning the psychology of self-motivation.

Turns out, I really don’t want to do things but rather have them done for me. Why? Because it’s easier to follow than to lead. Because it’s more work to lead than to follow. It’s easier to be told what to do than to be the one who must direct. The ironic part is that I’m a natural born leader. I’m a good leader. But after too many times of no one listening to me lead, results of things I’ve led be more negative than positive, and tons of self-doubt, I’m no longer motivated to lead anything – including myself.

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So I’m changing my mind one day at a time for myself. I don’t know if this will be completely possible but I will definitely try. I need it for the rest of my life to fall into place.

Until next time, I’ll gain some motivation and at least get this kitchen packed up for the movers to come. It’s my hope that this post will at least help you to understand that if you are currently lacking motivation, you’re not alone. We’re out here. On the couch, in the bed, warring with ourselves in our minds on getting things done, but we’re here.

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