Yesterday, I just didn’t want to adult. I didn’t want to interact with anyone. I didn’t even want to play with my kid. I didn’t want to sleep. I didn’t want to cook. I didn’t want to leave the house. I didn’t want to clean. Basically, I didn’t want to do much more than open up all of our windows, turn on some soothing smooth jazz music and read books.
I admit it. I was a parental slacker yesterday. I wasn’t engaged in my kid’s interests. Instead, I found her quite annoying. While I do lament at the thought of how she perceived my dislike of her constantly beseeching my presence at every moment, I still feel as if I’m entitled to have one ounce of time devoted to being alone while the sun is up. Call me selfish. Call me temporarily disconnected but for the first time since her birth, I felt I needed me for me.
Is that so wrong? To need me for me? It’s one of the most guilty pleasures a stay-at-home parent can have. Sometimes, we just don’t want to be bothered by anyone at any time. Why? Because when one has their name called out several times over a few seconds or when one has to look up a chiropractor for a re-adjustment of their shoulder from all of the yanking and pulling their kid does or when one has to “actively” watch the same episode over and over again simply because their child will melt in a pool of their own tears otherwise, one needs time to recuperate from it.
Nevertheless, it was how I felt and I’m not ashamed of it. As a matter of fact, I’m quite proud of it because that means I’m engaged in my home life, I’m effectively involved in my family and I always give maximum effort to them. Wanting time for me to recharge means that I’ve given them everything I could for the moment but need a moment to replenish myself so I can again maximize my efforts. It’s the equivalent of taking a vacation at an away-from-home job. Most people use their vacation time for when they need to recharge from their positions at work. It’s harder for those who work at home to do so because their work and home life happen in one place.
So please excuse me as I took a day off from willingly being mom. I needed a recharge. I needed to recuperate from the constant song of “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy…” I’m sure I’ll be much better today.
Until next time, have a great day!