Yesterday, I discussed the topic, “Not Every Race Is Meant To Be Won” which discussed what to look for when what you want does not come into fruition. Today’s topic is it’s sequel. I want to discuss what happens after one comes into the realization that what they want will not happen.

Often times when one doesn’t get what they want, they say the phrase, “back to the drawing board”.  It’s usually thought that one has to start from the beginning to get their desired end.  What if I said that one didn’t always have to start from the beginning but make their beginning right where they are? Sometimes that’s the hardest part to decide when having to start a new path. Knowing whether to start from scratch or to move on from the current location may be the biggest obstacle one has to tackle. But relax! There’s good news!  The good news is: One realizes that they have to move and move they shall.

Moving away from the situation does three things:

  1. Helps one to restructure their desires, goals, and mindset.
  2. Face the necessary and get rid of the unnecessary.
  3. Brings about new hope.

Whenever I encounter such a moment, I use the phrase, “So What” to let myself know that the pity party is over and that there has to be something that happens now versus later in order to continue the forward motion to my desired outcome.  It’s the first step in my five steps to moving on after disappointment. All of my steps are below.

Tina’s Five Steps to Moving Past a Disappointment

  1. Develop and physically say a phrase that signals that what was wanted didn’t happen and but all is okay. As stated before, my phrase is “so what”, what’s yours? It should be simplistic and natural in nature.  It should not be something that will encourage depressed feelings either.
  2. Immediately think of all the positives that will happen because the desired goal did not come into fruition. For me, I immediately think that I don’t have to drive 45 minutes one way to get there or that I didn’t have to spend so much time away from my family. Any positive thought about it will work at this moment.
  3. Begin to think what can be done in the meantime that will continue the push towards the desired goal . The meantime is the sweetest spot because while it’s not our end destination, it is, however, a time for us to open our minds to more ways of reaching the destination or changing the destination altogether. One personal example of this is in this meantime of being unemployed, I’m working on my health. The question may arise, “how does this push you towards your desired goal?” That’s a great question and here’s how!  If I work on my health, I’m allowed to do the job more efficiently and effectively. This means less time away from work being ill and the ability to do more physical and mental tasks that is placed upon me. The healthier I become in this meantime, the better I could be for my employer when I do become employed.
  4. Get to know yourself even more. This time also helps a person to know themselves better.  Perhaps what was desired had a component that had to be overlooked in order to accomplish it. Why is that so? Why wasn’t the goal good enough in all areas? What’s preventing you from thoroughly enjoying the entire goal? Get to know that about yourself. You might be surprised by the answer.
  5. Understand that one can’t move forward carrying the shame of the disappointment with them. One must let it all go.  Sometimes, especially if it has been spoken about favorably with someone else, it comes back up again. One thing that is difficult to do is letting go of the shame of not reaching your goal in the time you thought you would. Oh boy it’s rough!  Trust me, I know!  But it must happen in order for one to move forward.  You are not the sum of your failures.  You never have been and you never will be.  If you think you are, just know that you are lying to yourself.  Failures only serve as a way to detour you to the direction you’re supposed to go in the first place.  That’s it.

If one practice these steps over time, one will realize that disappoints may sting but they do not have to overtake them.  You are a fighter. You have always been a fighter. The mere fact that you’ve come this far isn’t a sign of someone weak.  You’re so strong and that disappointment should know just how strong you truly are. So show it. Make sure that once you reach your goal, you turn back and see all that you’ve overcome to get there. You’ll see the disappointing times, the tough times, the times where wrong decisions were made and the times where timing was off. You’ll see all of those times that you determined would make you a failure and you will see that you succeeded because of them, not because you succumbed to them.

Until next time, don’t fear disappointments. Embrace them, see them for what they really are and move forward. You’re strong. You’re brave. You can do it!