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TheTinaFiteProject

Redesigning Myself…One Day At A Time!

A Mother’s Day Learning Experience

Hi everyone!! I’m back!!  As you all know, I’ve been spending time preparing and hanging with vacationing family. The break was well needed by all, plus, unrealized at the time, it was my first time having my mom around during Mother’s Day weekend since becoming a mother myself. It was different (not in a bad way) and much needed for our relationship to fully transform into a grown child with a child status. So I thank you all for your patience and for desire to read the content that was already posted until I came back.

Also, shout out to all the Mothers! It is my personal belief that Mothers are to be celebrated everyday for all the things they do, who they are and what they mean to us. One day just doesn’t cut it. Mothers do way more than required all the time yet will treat it as if it is a requirement all because we’re trying to keep everyone we love happy. I salute you, I thank you and I’m honored to stand in the capacity of mother with you! You are appreciated.

On yesterday, in celebration of Mother’s Day, my husband and kid said it was an “anything goes” day for me. So after church, I chose to go to a wonderful seafood restaurant called Jinright’s. So delicious and very keto friendly. Well, while we were in the area, we decided to drive to a local island called St. Simons.  It’s a very historic place, especially in the African-American/Igbo community as it was the site of the suicide of Igbo captives bound to America to have a life of slavery which occurred in 1803.  While we went to Fort Frederica National Monument, I couldn’t help but to have in my mind the lives of the slaves that inhabited the land about 5 miles away well over two centuries before I could even step there.  I wondered about the strength, tenacity, courage and power it took to come to America as a captive, get off the boat and walk into Dunbar Creek which is a tributary of the Frederica River. However, it’s the spirit that lives there today that I want to focus on for this post.

In light of today’s news of Richard B. Spencer leading fellow white nationalists in protest against the removal of a confederate statue, one has to question what does this change when life in the United States, especially on the east coast, is filled with reminders? When those who are against the removal of this statue are mad enough to bring torches out in protest, it makes me question if they have paid attention to anything in American history.  Recognizing one side of things does not erase the other. Furthermore, the positive, patriotic or prideful emotions it may evoke in one may stoke the fears and pain of another. Just as recognizing Mothers on yesterday did not erase the fact that there are fathers, recognizing the histories of other cultures will never erase the fingerprint of European history on America. And that’s the spirit that lingers on St. Simons Island.

Regardless of the multi-million dollar homes that have been erected on the island, Gullah and Geechee (descendants of the Igbo) lives are still there.  No matter how Fort Frederica has been turned into a national monument while there are no federal markings for Dunbar Creek/Ebo Landing, the story still continues. The spirit of that pride, power, courage, conviction, tenacity within the African-Americans who live there is strong. It won’t change. There will always be someone there (at least in my lifetime) that will tell the story of the Igbo captives. There will always be some variation of it. There will always be a hint towards it (hint: Think Beyoncè’s Love Drought). History neither fades in the absence of the event that makes it a historical event nor does removal of physical, tangible reminders of the event diminish its memory. One can liken it to the memory of someone who has now passed on. The removal of their personal items such as clothes, shoes, glasses, jewelry, etc does not mean their very existence or the history of their time here with us is erased from our memories. We might like those items around to help us find closure but it’s not necessary to keep them out as a constant reminder.

Equally as important is being okay with those who choose to erect the pictures of those who have gone before us as their way of keeping the deceased person’s memory around. However, we all must be mindful of the feelings that can be brought about because of memories.  If the feelings of one person evoke such a sense of entitlement that their action creates fear in another person, one must consider this question: what is my goal of having what I want? If the ultimate goal in this country is to bridge the gap and to create true unity, then perhaps we need to create more unifying symbols while learning to appreciate the differences in the way history is viewed among different cultures. Slavery will never be thought of as a “sweet time or a time of blessing” for those of the affected minority communities.  The struggle of the civil rights movement will never be thought of as a “beautiful moment in history” for many. Trying to force feelings that will never be there is like trying to squeeze blood out of a turnip. It’s just not going to happen unless you hurt yourself to accomplish that feat. Now who enjoys hurting themselves on purpose for an unnecessary reason?

Perhaps I’m wrong about this. Perhaps I’ve over thought it. However, it may be just the conversation this country needs. What do you think? Let me know in the comment section below.

Until next time, have a marvelous day!

 

 

Mini Break

Hi everyone! Due to a mini family reunion happening this week and next to celebrate the kid’s 5th birthday, I will be taking a break from blogging.  In the meantime, feel free to read my previous posts to get your The Tina Fite Project fill for the day.  I’ll return on May 17th with a brand new and exciting topic.

Hopefully, I’ll see you here!

 

-TheTinaFiteProject

It’s Funday Friday!

*With the thought of my daughter’s 5th birthday coming up as well as Mother’s Day, I’m re-posting this blog entry because it’s one of my favorite stories of the first Mother/Daughter trip my kid and I have taken and because it makes me laugh.  I hope you find some enjoyment as well.*

Mom1

This evening, I’m going to do something I’ve never done before – take a trip with our four-year old kid alone and by driving the entire distance. Somehow I feel as if I did not completely think this thing through. Or, perhaps I did think it through but circumstances changed and that took my perfectly thought out plan, wadded it up like a tissue paper and tossed it all the while replacing it with its own plan.

But in my quest to be more positive, I’m choosing to look at this as more of a mommy/daughter bonding trip. We’ll laugh and sing and complain about how hungry we are and think the all important question of are we there yet? It’s also a test of my patience,  my negotiating and diplomatic skills and trust of self. It’s best we do this so I’d know how things will run when we do our cross country drive in December.

So for this Funday Friday, I’m listing my top five favorite funny Mother/Daughter memes that will best express my feelings about this weekend.

5.

Mom2

My husband asks me all the time, “how does it feel to have to deal with yourself”. This is exactly what he means. She has my rebellious nature and she is none too quick to remind of it. I mention bedtime and I see it. I say she needs to eat something else other than pb&j, the “Little Tina” comes out. I say she needs to change clothes, the attitudes rears its head. Either way, I hate that I have to deal with it but she will be more than force when she necessary. After all, we’re raising a little girl to be strong and independent when she grows up.

4.

Mom3

For the same reason under number five, the above meme rings true. Our daughter is too cute and she knows it but her attitude is something else. She was born on an island with a volcano (Sicily, Mt. Etna) and her attitude and actions can erupt just as forceful. Takes a strong set of people to be able to handle her. Besides after her fourth or fifth comment about how something is not done correctly, they’ll want to give her back.

3.

Mom4

This child’s second language is called “my wallet”. Anytime we are some place and she sees those coin rides, she insists I have money for her to ride. I tell her that I don’t have any and she wants to check my wallet. If my husband is with us, she’ll ask to see his wallet too. But every single time, without fail, she insists that mommy gets her what she’d like or allows her to ride her favorite rides.  One thing she never does is claim I’m broke. I’m never financially challenged according to her. So glad somebody believes that money belongs with me. Now, will someone be a dear and convince money to believe it needs to stay with me just as much as my daughter believes? Thanks in advance!

2.

Mom5

Ah, yes! Our daughter as been in the kitchen with me since before birth. Her preferred meals are all home-cooked and she enjoys being a help in the kitchen. However, whenever I’m making desserts, her first instinct is to look at me with those sweet brown eyes, give me a smile and say, “Mommy, may I have…” It’s too late, I’ve already shoved a beater into her hand while I grab the other. We toast and then we indulge. I’m so proud of myself for remembering to turn the beaters off and dislodge them from the electric hand mixer. I’m such a great mom! Truth is, I hurt my lip trying to lick them while it turning when I was a kid and I don’t want the same to happen with our kid. I don’t know how I would explain that to CPS.

Last but not least…

1.

Mom8

I don’t think I need to brag about having this superpower. Just know I can do this along with the addition of a dog, cat, running toilets and loud neighbors. But I digress.

Your Turn

Do you have a favorite Mom meme? If so, let me know in the talk to me section below.

Until next time, wish me luck, great GPS directions, a working Nabi and snacks for the kid and a big bottle of wine for me! I’m pretty sure I will need all of this. In the meantime, I’m leaving you with the Top 10 Mom-isms that I’m absolutely sure most of them will come out of my mouth at some point within the next twenty-four hours.

Mom7

Trouble Don’t Last Always…

Trouble4

Often times, in the midst of a storm, we can’t wait for it to end so we can salvage whatever normalcy we can find and move on. We search our news and weather stations for insight on the duration of the storm. We keep our eyes glued to the meteorologist of our choice to listen to what they have to say. We keep our loved ones close and make sure things are ready for the worse should it come. However, through it all, we know for a fact the storm will not last always. We know that the pressure system is going to move past us and that good weather will return again. We don’t know when but we do believe it to be soon.

Why do we believe that better weather will come? Because we have lived long enough to experience the change in weather after a storm. Even newborn children who were born during a storm (like myself) have experienced the change in weather after a storm whether they know it or not. We all have played in the sun after the time of a storm. We all have felt the mud on our feet as a result of all the precipitation. We all have smelled the air after a storm and we know that it changed because of the storm. The ability for us to experience such things allows us to continue to believe in the inevitability of the end of a storm.

Trouble3

So why can’t we believe it in our own lives? What is preventing us from believing that whatever we’re going through today has an ending? Is it because the situation may not end when we desire it to conclude? Is it because we’re so bogged down with the situation that we don’t realize it will end sooner than we think? Is it because we so engrossed with our issues that we choose not to realize that it will end because we’re enjoying our own pity party?

When the storms of our lives come upon us, we must first realize that trouble doesn’t last always. It may feel like they will be around for the long haul but in reality, they’re gone faster than we think. We just need to remember a few things during the storm. I will use three pieces of advice from meteorologists to help us remember.

  1. Watch the skies = Be mindful of those over you.  During a personal storm, especially during conflict with those in authority, it is easy to want to be defiant or insubordinate. The authority can range from your immediate boss to the government to police officers to doctors, even to those who we hold in high regard. While there may be times that those in authority are doing things to a subordinate that are meant to be personal, more often than not, it’s not their intent.  While we’re not always able to do this, we must keep in mind that we’re to separate the issue from the person, especially if it is business related. Failing to do so may exacerbate the situation and elongate our time in the storm.
  2. Stay away from windows and doors = Keep your storm off of social media.  During a storm, one of the first pieces of advice meteorologists give is to stay away from windows and doors as they may give way from both the indoor and outdoor pressure. Same thing for us when we’re going through a storm. It’s absolutely cool to ask for prayers or to confide in a person or two using social media. However, putting your private business out there on front street via social media may increase the issue instead of abating or helping to squash it altogether.  For example, if a woman is having issues with her husband, it would be best that she keeps that information off of social media. Not doing so might lead to worse troubles than the help she was intending to seek in the first place from her venting.
  3. Don’t count on others to keep you safe = Not everybody is in your corner during a storm.  Often times, we think someone has our back when times get tough. Truthfully, we learn who exactly is in our corner when times get rough. Not everyone we care to share our troubles with has our best interests in mind. Not everyone we’ve been there for knows how to be there for us in the midst of our storm. Some may not even agree with how we’re handling it and will choose to step aside in protest. Some may feel indifferent or as if they are having a harder time and will desire to outshine our situation because they are ignorant of how to help us handle it.

Trouble

In the end, storms will come and go in our lives. Some will experience more storms than others. However, we can minimize their impact in our lives if we focus on enduring the storm and realizing that it won’t last always. The sun will rise again. The birds will chirp. The clouds will part. The mud will dry and life will go on. It may be different but it will still go on.

Until next time, if you’re in the midst of a storm in your life, may it be over soon.  If you’re about to head into a storm, take precaution and realize it doesn’t last always. If you’re coming out a storm, be thankful to see the happier moments.  Regardless of the stage you’re in, never give up.

Trouble2

Try or Do. There Is No Try and Do.

Yesterday morning, I woke up to the Steve Harvey Morning Show. As usual, he began his morning show with words of encouragement. It resonated with me because what he spoke about is exactly what I say each time I have the opportunity to do so. He said that his wife told him to stop saying he was “trying” to do but to understand that he was doing and has been doing it for quite a while.  He said it was a habit for him to say although he knew full well that he had moved beyond the realm of trying.

It’s the same way with me and possibly is the same way with you. We are no longer in the phase of trying to do it.  To try to do something means that one is making the attempt to do something.  To do is the actual performance and execution of that something. One cannot try and do it at the same time. An attempt means an incompletion or the failure of the attempt. An execution means to fully carry out the action. So one can see how a person can neither try and do at the same time.  It’s always either one or neither one.

So, what about you? Do you have this habit? If so, like me, it’s time to stop. We’re not doing ourselves any favors by shying away from our accomplishments. We are doing something. It doesn’t have to be big. It doesn’t have to make us famous. But what it does have to do is make us happy and satisfied. Why? Because those two elements give us motivation to continue until the task at hand is complete.  Without them, what we might want to do may only stay as an attempt.

Until next time, let’s work to move our “tries” into action. We deserve the happiness and the growth.

Try and Do1

Delighting In The Demise Of Others

Yesterday, I read an article about a certain celebrity and his impending divorce. Most of the article was discussing how he and his wife had been married for five years and had two children. While there were many women trying to polish themselves up to get in line for the possibility of making themselves wife number two, I sat back and wondered why they were delighting in his demise. I wondered how does it profit them to be so happy at a time that can be sad and stressful to the one going through it.

I also thought about myself. How often have I delighted in the demise of another for a selfish reason? I’m pretty sure I’ve done it countless times, however, there are some I remember more vividly.  I remember back in school when I cheered with my friends after learning that the obnoxiously smart kid in class got a lower grade than me (which was a low A if I recall correctly). I remembering cheering for an opposing country’s gymnastics team who’s player was injured when they went against the 1996 Team USA gymnastics team.  I remember cheering on the break up of those in relationships as well. Not because I knew them but because I thought they were wrong from the start.

I recall one of the first celebrity divorces I heard about was the divorce of Halle Berry and David Justice. The only reason I knew about it was because I’m an Atlanta Braves fan and David Justice was my favorite player at the time.  For some reason, I couldn’t understand their union. For me, I often wondered when they would see each other. Halle Berry was a very sought after actress at the time and with the Braves baseball team traveling all the time, I questioned when did they see each other. When did they get the opportunity to be married and to live that married life like I saw my parents doing?

However, the question still remains, how did it profit me to cheer in their turmoil? It profited me nothing. I gained nothing. I didn’t become class valedictorian (wasn’t even close) but my classmate was salutatorian of our high school class. So what did cheering with my friends after class get me? Nothing. I wasn’t on any gymnastics team (wouldn’t have been even if I tried) so what did me cheering for that country’s injured team member do for me? Nothing. It didn’t lower my BMI or reduce my weight. So there was no benefit for me to do it at all.  Delighting in the break up of a celebrity marriage of a couple that I never knew (still don’t know either one) did nothing for me except but to make me wonder who would delight if we ever (Heaven, God, Jesus, and Earth forbid) met with the same circumstance.

When did we become people who will cheer, get themselves ready and put themselves in a position to be the next in line after it’s revealed that a person is no longer involved in a situation that previously kept those same now interested people at bay?  When did we become a people who’s self-gratification is put above another person’s healing?  Like, who started this behavior or is it already ingrained in us? Regardless of the answers to these questions, we really have to question if it is delight that is our true emotion or is it relief.

As I look back on those three scenarios I’ve shared above, two of them were relief. I was relieved that my grade wasn’t based on a curve that my classmate helped to set up with his fantastic score. I actually achieved it on my own. I was relieved that David Justice was doing better on the field after his break up with Halle Berry. No offense to Halle but I’m sure it was a load off of his mind which meant he could turn his attention to baseball. I was just young and petty with the gymnastics team so yes, that was delight.

In the end, we must remember that each of us can be in the same situation at any given moment. Sometimes, it’s not what we choose to do in the moment when it happens to us. Sometimes, it’s how we choose to act when the moment happens to someone else that turns around and bites us. We can still receive negative karma because we put out petty, silly or even mean actions out to the universe.

So until next time, let’s consider how we act when others are going through their demise. It can turn around to negatively bite us in the end.

 

Mini Break

Hi everyone!  Just wanted to let you know that I will be extending my mini break until Tuesday when I’ll return with a whole new topic.  In the meantime, feel free to take a look at other posts of interest on my blog. I do believe I have something for everyone!

Until next time, take care and have a great day!

The Desperation of Change

Hi everyone! I’m re-posting this “oldie but goodie” today because honestly, I need the encouragement.  It is my sincerest hope that it encourages you too.

 

Change5

I’ve tried several diets over the years in an effort to lose weight. I’ve even tried to embrace certain lifestyles (i.e. vegan, paleo, vegetarian, etc.) to accomplish the same goal. Anything new that comes across my path with reference to weight loss, you can be certain to find me on their website doing my research. However, I’ve only had significant success with one of those products and in all honesty, no matter how great it was for me, it was too expensive to continue. The more I try to lose weight, it seems there are more and more products out there for me to employ to try to reach my goal.

At this point, I don’t think it’s about losing weight. At this point, it’s about wanting change. It’s about wanting change so much that one will endure anything and everything to accomplish it.  Sacrifices will be made that probably should have not been made. Money spent that should have been kept. Time wasted that could have been used for some other reason. Feelings of disappointment that can be too much to bear at times.  Change takes all of those elements and although they are hugely noticeable, it seems to fade to black to allow anxiety and the excitement of the new venture to shine through.

At first, we are super excited and “ready” to begin the adventure. During this time, we’d even accept some failure because it’s life and there are some things we cannot change. However, as time moves on, the disappointment creeps in simply because either change has not happened fast enough, there are no visible results or because there are no results at all. That’s when we begin searching for something else. No matter how patient we say we are, we all would like to be rewarded. Change is supposed to bring about that reward. Change is supposed to be the catalyst for us to reach our goal. However, change can sometime have a different job.

Change6

Sometimes change takes on the job of the mirror. The lengths one is willing to go through in change reflects back how much they want it. For example, if a person wants to change their weight but do not want to give up something in return, they will continue to get the same thing they have always received. If a person wants change and only incorporates one or two substitutes, if there are any results, it will be reflected in what they were meant to alter. Regardless of the outcome, a change will occur in the mind. That person will learn quickly whether to change tactics, change desired length of time or to change perspective about what needs altering.

Change3

In the end, my encouragement is to not be so desperate for change that it clouds your judgement. There are consequences to every action despite why the action was made in the first place. If I’m so desperate for change that I wind up doing things that hurt me, I still have to deal with the consequence. If I’m so desperate for change that I end up sabotaging myself, I still have to deal with the consequence. Consequences come whether change happened or not because an action still occurred. Don’t let desperation be the reason you’re enduring a difficult consequence.

Until next time, think about your upcoming changes. Are you desperate for those changes? Are you willing to go through the sacrifice it takes to complete it? What about the consequences of it, whether you accomplish your goal or not? Remember, either the change you seek will come or the thoughts about the change will come. I just hope it’s the change you want.

 

NSV: Non-Scale Victories

Good morning everyone! Today’s post will be short and sweet. It’s about non-scale victories in weight loss. Many people forget these beautiful signs of progress as they pursue a life of better health. Often times, when the scale don’t budge, we get down on ourselves, possibly even to the point of self-sabotage. We begin to believe that our way is no longer working for us and may even begin to do things that would prove our theory to be correct just so we’re right about something. Weight loss in and of itself isn’t necessarily easy but it’s definitely far from linear and once understood, the non-scale victories become sweeter and more sought after.  This post serves as a reminder that progress comes in many forms.

The following is from Whole30 and is a great list of what one can expect when they are working towards a healthier life.  In the grand scheme of things, these non-scale victories are ways of motivating us to stay on track even when the scale is not in line with our desires. Click here to view them.

Until next time, if you’re working towards a healthier life, try to observe what non-scale victories are appearing in your life today. As for me, I’m going to see what I can do to keep my rings on my fingers and do my best to remind myself to re-adjust my seat belt height because it’s finally where it belongs.

 

 

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